Monthly Archives: January 2014

Contacted by collectives

I’m still learning how to tune into different spirits. I can tell my guardian angel apart and a few others that I have as guides but not all of them yet. I trust that it will come in time.

I had a thought last week that there are more spirits working with us on this plane or on this timeline (however we perceive it) than the ones I commonly come across in channeled messages – ascended masters, angels, elementals, ET’s, etc.  I thought that there must be many more working with us because I can feel it. I can feel that we are totally supported and that there are forces at work all the time, simultaneously reaching us in every manner we can think of.

Last week I went on my balcony and set the intention to start learning how to discern the difference between the spirits.  Each time I meet a connected friend or spiritual healer that I know they tell me the same thing. You’re so open to everything coming in! I am and I do not have fear around it. I know i am well protected and I put effort and intention into taking care of myself for this purpose as well. So I sat on my balcony and breathed. I had some items that set a sacred space for me and set the time aside to be undisturbed.

First, I heard my guardian angel. She cracks me up!  She is a real firebrand. At least, that is how she appears to me. My understanding is that spirit appears to us in the way that most appeals to us so she doesn’t necessarily appear that way to others when i mention her. She told me there were many spirits that wanted to connect and I asked her to be my guide in the process as I trust her. I also did not want to be on my balcony (it was a bit cold) for hours on end so I asked her to guide the ones that would be most beneficial at that point in time to contact me.  She also stressed that not everything makes sense and to stop when I was tired. I told her and myself that I was up to the job and would only do what I was able and comfortable doing.

After my guardian angel, there was a massive, massive spirit that contacted me.  It was a collective and just feeling how huge and encompassing it was, my entire body was tingling. It feels similar to what I call “downloads.”  For me, a download is when something “clicks” into place. Like you are in the right spot at the right time and pieces start to come together. I’ve also heard people describe something similar when they talk about activity in their pineal gland. Well, this collective felt even more massive than a previous elemental I’d channeled while singing before. I asked their name and they did not give one at first. They explained that they are the force which holds everything together. It is difficult to articulate what they portrayed but the easiest way for me to describe it is that they are the force which holds together. They are the force that holds together the chair you sit on, the force that transforms energy into matter for us to experience life here in 3D.  They showed me what they were and I asked for a name again.  (I just find names helpful because I’m learning to differentiate right now.) They said they were The Is-ness.   They gave me a few personal messages and I thanked them and sent them love.

Stella asked me if I wanted to hear from anyone else and I told her that I could do one more. My mind was pretty blown away from what I had just experienced.  The next spirit was another collective. Unfortunately, I was still processing what The Is-ness had told me so I don’t recall the entire exchange with the next collective.  They were another unifying force and they identified themselves as The One.  I found this to be an interesting name. Not sure what that means but I trust that more will be revealed.  I had to tell them that I needed to end because I wanted to go inside and thanked them and sent them love as well.

Before I ended, I called my boyfriend’s spirit guide because I wanted his take on what he saw from where he is.  So, I played a song that he has told me he liked and went back inside to talk to with my boyfriend and his spirit guide. His spirit guide told me that they were very high vibrational beings that he had not encountered before and that there was one more around my head that was trying to contact me and that it was angelic. I am very grateful for his help because he is enabling me to verify what I am getting and that allows me to trust my connection more and pursue it farther.

So, I post it here. I’m not sure why but spirit said to post so… know the deal.  If you have any thoughts or have been contacted by either of these collectives, I’d love to hear from you.  Enjoy the beautiful day and know you are love.



The Freedom of Not Knowing


I find great freedom in not understanding precisely why things happen when or how they do.  I acknowledge that the law of attraction is at work and I change my thoughts when they are not in alignment with what I wish to create. In my experience, I am not ready to assimilate all possible realities at once.  Right now, I enjoy working within time and experiencing events as they unfold.  When there are events that I find undesirable, I turn my attention to what I do desire and what I am already experiencing as desirable.  This is not the same as sticking your head in the sand and stating that undesirable events do not exist. They do.  But when I turn my attention to what I do want and wanting what I already have, amazing things happen. Those things that I enjoy and that bring me joy turn up more and more in my experience. I encounter the next precisely perfect experience for my spiritual evolution. Over and over again.

Not knowing why certain things happen and being okay with that in the moment releases me from having to understand everything.  After all, using a human brain to make sense of the spiritual mechanics and operating principles of the Divine is not possible, in my opinion. That is why we have intuition.  When I tap my intuition for the next move, it wows me every time.  It allows me to flow and be fluid. When I notice an attachment or a desire to repeat another experience, I recognize the desire, wish it peace and welcome the next experience that comes with joy, knowing that I am drawing to myself exactly what is optimal for my spiritual evolution at that time. 

In my experience, I have not found peace by understanding everything with my mind.  I have found peace by flowing with what comes to me and aligning my actions with my intentions. I find intention to be one of the most powerful forces of creation.  When I intend to be love both for myself and others, I am peaceful.  We are One and we are the creative force.

I wish you peace.


Vulnerability – A Key to Compassion

I don’t usually write unless I am guided to do so. I originally envisioned this blog as a repository for my videos along my journey.  But I’m open to what Spirit suggests so I just follow the signs….and the messages are sometimes pretty direct.

Spirit said to write about vulnerability so here I am.

For most of my adult life I didn’t even think about the word vulnerability.  I certainly didn’t want to address it.  Did I feel vulnerable?  Yes.  I felt like the walking wounded.  And I didn’t have any idea what to do with it.

I wanted someone or something to fix me. To save me.  To give me all the things that I wanted so that then I could be okay. So that I could feel like a worthwhile person and not feel like I was broken.

Like many of us, I heard a lot of ways to deal with negative feelings. Go to therapy.  Ignore it and it will go away. Put on a happy face and act as if you don’t feel that way. Focus on the positive. Do something nice for someone else and you will feel better. And those were from people who wanted to help.  I also heard that I must not really feel that way because I didn’t look the way someone thought a person with those feelings would look.

Along my path, I came into contact with active listening and people who were comfortable sharing their feelings and reactions to life when they weren’t desirable. At least they weren’t the intended feeling they wanted.  But these people shared when they were not feeling up or when they were disappointed or angry or anxious. Then they didn’t ask me to fix them.  They just wanted to share where they were.  So I listened. I certainly didn’t have their answers and we made it clear that each speaker was not looking for advice or for anyone to fix them.

Then they asked me how I felt.


I didn’t really want to talk about it.

So, they left the door open for me to talk when I wanted to.

This was not a level of intimacy that I knew before and not something that was encouraged in my family growing up. We were the masters of if-it-looks-good-on-the-outside-everything-is-fine.  I don’t think that I am alone here because I have heard this time and time again in my work and in my personal life from others.  So, I put on a brave face and tried my best. I think that is what we all do.

Until we can’t or don’t want to anymore.

It was pointed out to me that I was a great listener but people really knew very little about me because I didn’t share much. I knew why I didn’t share. First, I didn’t know how to. Second, if you could hear all the chatter and how hard on myself I was in my head, you would be overwhelmed too.  I didn’t want to fall to pieces because I didn’t think that I could everything back together.

A persistent friend (thank you God for persistent friends!) asked me why I didn’t share much one day and I told her the reasons above.  She pointed out that maybe I wasn’t the only one who had those thoughts and maybe there could be someone who could help me like I was helping others. She offered the idea that maybe I could just share a little to see how that felt. I hesitated. But I wanted to be heard so badly!  So, I chose something which was small to me and shared it.

What relief!  I won’t say it was all rosy from there on but it was a beginning. I was hard on myself and felt like a failure at first for needing other people. But then several things were pointed out to me when I wanted to clam up again. And I write all of these in the hopes that they may help someone else.  I was told that not everything that happens is about me. I was told that sharing with others could help someone else. They may need to hear what I am going through. I was told that those who I was listening to might like an opportunity to repay the favor, so to speak. I was told that keeping everything inside had not been working for me up to that point.  And I was told that it was safe. People might not like what I had to say. They might have emotional reactions to what I had to say. They might agree or disagree with what I thought and how I felt.  But I had to do it for myself if I wanted to get any relief and move through what I was living.

So I did. For what seemed like a very long time. What I found was that the context and the situations may differ from person to person but the feelings and resisting the negative ones is universal. No one wants to suffer. And as I allowed others to support me, the feelings become weaker; they were not as intense and did not last as long.

By creating a safe space for ourselves, we were able to be loving witnesses for each other. We didn’t offer advice and we didn’t judge.  And hearing how another person comes to a decision gives you so much insight into where they are coming from and what has shaped them. And that is okay. There was no need to fix anyone because no one was broken. We were all making the best decisions we could with the information we had at that time. It was healing and allowed us to show ourselves to each other. Ultimately, it was beautiful and loving and I am so grateful to have experienced it.

In conjunction with some other spiritual tools, I made peace with my emotions. I didn’t run from having a negative emotion and try to cover it up or deny it. Because what we resist, persists.  I started to flow with them. I would let them wash over me and then keep going. And they passed.

And then the good feelings came in and replaced them.  And I flowed with them too.

Once I learned to be kind to myself, it was natural to be compassionate to others.  When I was hurting, I didn’t want to hurt them. I just wanted my hurt to stop.  And once I could be vulnerable and then heal my suffering, I wanted to share this gift with others because there are a lot of hurting people in the world.  And the world we live in doesn’t always view vulnerability as an asset.

I do.

I think it opens doors that are beyond imagination. Doors to compassion, self-love and ultimately, universal love.

Vulnerability keeps me tender-hearted. And when I am vulnerable, I heal and make it okay for others to be vulnerable and find their healing. I do not think vulnerability is the lack of strength. I think strength is identification and acceptance of vulnerability.  Because then it dissolves. Once you accept it, it no longer has any power over you. And you go on to create what it is you came to create. You are released.

And we can fly as high as we want to.

Much love to you, my friend. Much, much love. (I’d hug you if you were here in New Jersey!)


2014-01-04 Gratitude List

Thinking of all the things I am grateful for today. In no particular order…

Beautiful snow reflecting the sunlight.

A warm bed and apartment for myself and my family.

Inspiration for future art projects.

New friends and family to spend time with and who support each other.

Oracle cards.

Yummy pineapple bake leftover from the holidays.

Hugs from my son.

A cute frilly skirt with hot pink leggings.

Having everything I need for today.

Comforting messages from angels when I have no idea how a situation will turn out.

Willingness to be with myself and others wherever we are emotionally.

Working technology and endless opportunities to meet others using it.

Strong legs, nimble fingers and a healthy body.

Paint.  It’s so pretty!

The desire to be in the world.

Understanding that the body is just a vessel for the spirit on this plane. 

Believing there is more to the world than what we see with our eyes.

Patience to have life unfold.

Joy for the experiences along the way.

Jelly beans.

Opportunities to help others.

Opportunities to ask for help.

Increasing psychic abilities. (Even if I don’t always understand what they mean or what to do with them!)

Communications from plants.

Animals and their willingness to share their lives with us.




Wonder and the innate capacity for striving and dreaming.