It’s been a rough week here at Casa SeizeOneDay. Have you felt it? I know I have.
With the blood moon and a few other factors, I’ve been feeling everyone releasing and quite honestly, it’s been a jumble of emotions. People overwhelmed by emotions, acting out and I’ve been the recipient of a few who have been affected quite strongly.
My question each time is, What is my part in this? Do I need to make an amends? Was my intention to harm another?
And then I look to myself.
I’ve spent a lot of time doing this because there was a time when I was solely motivated by an intention to hurt others. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. I spent a lot of time hurting people because I was in so much pain myself. There was no way for me to express how much pain I was in so I wanted to make you hurt like I did. I lashed out at everyone. I gossiped. I did things to make myself look better than others. I refused to acknowledge that anyone else could experience the depth of pain that I did. I was lost in my own downward spiral and it was all I could see.
That was a long time ago but I remember it well. And all the work I’ve done since then. But I know how that feels.
God, do I know how that feels.
Like showing everyone the gaping hole in my heart so you would understand me. I wanted you to help me, to save me from myself because I didn’t know how to do it.
Fast forward to today after a long journey inward and I still ask myself the same question when someone is angry with me. I’m really an open book and straightforward with people so if they tell me they are angry with me, I ask them why and how I can fix it. This comes up a lot in my personal relationship with the dragon I live with. Otherwise known as my boyfriend. (Who is really my husband but that’s a story for another day.) Sometimes he tells me that he is angry about something and sometimes he doesn’t. We’ve worked on communication long enough that it doesn’t come up very often but usually when the energies shift drastically, it comes up. He gets angry and I am focused on self-care which means I lean on him to do what I’m not able to do around the house.
So, his choice is to either tell me or not tell me. Do I pick up on it when he doesn’t tell me? Usually, I do. You know how that feels. It’s all energy and you know when someone is mad at you and not telling you.
I used to do passive aggressive. A lot. It doesn’t work for me anymore so I only go on what other people tell me. I take them at their word which is how I act as well. I trust that they know themselves well enough to know when they need to work something out with me and when they need to sit with it and decide what they want to do. It’s not up to me to push them. That’s not my way. But I am always willing to talk with anyone who wants to clear something up and clean up my side of the street. Please, show me another way if I what I’m doing isn’t working for you. And if my intuition supports that, I’ll be happy to change.
So, that was what I did this week. And it was tough because I feel how angry they are now. It was easier when I didn’t feel them but this new energy has amplified everything and I’ve been shown more which is hard to manage, especially when it isn’t my stuff.
Anger is a powerful emotion. One of the hardest, in my opinion. It inspires instant action and we want to be heard. We want to be acknowledged. After all, that’s what we all want, to be seen. It is a tough one to sit with. It was the hardest for me at least. To sit with anger and do nothing.
I looked at myself and what my part was.
I spoke my truth. What I am going through, what I see, what I aspire to. And sometimes it makes people uncomfortable.
I can’t help that. It’s only my journey. I share as honestly as I possibly can and I pass on messages that I get. That’s all I do. Anyone is welcome to join me and I’ll help you however I can. Most people think I have some ulterior motive. The only time i say no to someone is when it conflicts with me taking care of myself or following my intuition. Those are my guideposts.
I’m not perfect and I’m not claiming to be, but in these instances I was speaking my truth solely for myself. It angered those who witnessed it. That’s all I know. I was surprised. Shocked, actually.
What do I do?
Spirit said, Do nothing. That is their path. So I let it be.
But I still felt them and it bothered me.
So, I asked Spirit what to do for myself. And there were a few things I could do. This provided me opportunities and openings to do things that before I had balked at. Spirit guides me to gloss over the specifics here but you know when there are other things you could do to help yourself. When you are stretched, you are more willing.
One of the things I do want to mention is going to God, to the Universe, to whatever Divine Force you believe in to be filled. I was guided to new ways to connect with the Divine to relieve this pressure and I did them. Pray, meditate, write, whatever feeds you. I was guided to trance which developed into something new for me. I felt so much better afterwards.
I am so grateful for that.
The next day I felt much better! At my day job, we were a riot today, cracking up at everything. My mood was great! My messages amped up and I was furiously scribbling down notes on scraps of paper. Spirit was showing me the mechanism at work during the trance last night and why it worked and why I needed it. I couldn’t get it out fast enough and I was so grateful to learn something new. As we raise our vibration, what worked before doesn’t always work at other vibrations so we need to continually look to the Divine for direction. I was learning how to incorporate it in my current vibration but I had to be very uncomfortable to do it. I was used to doing what had always worked for me and it didn’t work at the vibration I was moving towards. The energies the past two weeks have been overwhelming me too so I’m very grateful for the direction and the feedback. Thank you, Universe.
So, what came out of this?
Well, a new way to be filled when what I’m doing isn’t working. Remember, it changes. And it’s always just after whatever we REALLY don’t want to do. Haha! (I know….you’re going to smack me for laughing at pain. But hey, I’m in pain too so you have company!)
And Spirit gave me a few projects to work on that I’m super excited about! Evidently, moving through this made me make some changes for things that are headed my way. If you’re curious, drop me a line on my About Me page and we can chat. Right now, I’m still doing constant self-care because feeling all of this gets overwhelming but I’m so grateful for your emails and messages. Thank you!
Oh, before I forget! If you follow me and I do not follow you, drop me a message so I can keep up with you. I want to know what you are up to! (I’m still learning all the WordPress stuff and it might be a while before I get the hang of this. )
Be sweet to you.