2014-05-04 Update

I’m starting to think that I need a good answer for, How are you?

Really?  Like what do you say? I know a lot of people just ask as a general pleasantry but I stopped saying I was fine a few years ago. And I don’t want to lie and I know people are asking as a course of conversation. If they wanted to know how you really were they would ask more questions or go into it in more detail. So, I’m considering just saying that I’m good. It’s short. It’s sweet and those people who I know well will ask if they want more.

So, what prompts this tonight? Because everybody else mastered this in childhood when our parents told us to just say fine and ask about them, right? I should know how to do this by now and just be okay with it. There are bigger things to worry about. Get over it already. This is not a pressing question for society.

I’m wondering because right now it’s where I am. A good friend of mine is going through a rough time.

I don’t have very many close friends who know about the topics that I write about here on the blog. I don’t really see any use in telling everyone unless there’s an opportunity or a topic comes up and I share about my experience with it if I’m asked. Most of my friends know a little and that’s fine for them. They don’t ask; we just do typical every day stuff and they invite me to Scentsy parties.  I show up, give an envelope of money to the host with an explanation that I’m honoring their intention to manifest abundance and then tell them I’m allergic to all their products.  Haha!  It’s honest. No one says anything and they always take the money.  Then I leave the party promptly.  And that’s really what they want anyway, right?  Support of their endeavor and money. I’m good with that.  That’s what I want too. I can dig it.

But this particular friend knows me very well. Knows about the topics I write about on here and I ask them for advice because they’ve had similar experiences. When something really cool happens, they are the one that I text and send a picture to.  When I’m not feeling so good and need somebody to talk to, they are the one that I call.

And right now they are in their own space, doing self care.  I don’t know what’s going on and there’s nothing I can do. I am grateful that they told me this is where they are and I respect it.  I don’t push them.  It’s been over a week now and I’m really hurting.  Our relationship isn’t the same. Before, we would text throughout the day and talk about all sorts of things. Now, there is daily contact but it’s mostly good morning, good night and I love you.

So, that is what has prompted this post.  How do you answer the question, How are you?

When the person asking it knows you very well and honestly wants to know. But you have too many of your own expectations to manage to even come up with a cohesive thought that would honor both their limited ability to take on any more stressors with your desire to be honest when you’re a mess of emotions.

For now, I’m taking care of myself and doing a lot of writing along with spending time with family. But I’m having to come to terms with my own expectations that I put on this relationship and what I thought it was. And that is all ME. I brought all that baggage to the relationship. So, I’m going to clean it up myself and sit with it and what that says about me.

That’s all I’ve got tonight. Feeling pretty raw.

All suggestions welcomed regarding how to answer the question or any advice, quite honestly. I’m pretty lost here. Just waiting it out until it passes.



7 thoughts on “2014-05-04 Update

  1. michreta

    My mom recently passed and so I’m not ok. It’s day by day with me. So when asked had I am I generally respond with I am finding reasons to smile. Sometimes I run with life is full of ups and downs. Or I will occasionally find some simple quote. The truth is fine doesn’t exist.

    As for your friend, give them time. We all deal with stuff differently. Hang in there. In the meantime writing is good. I’m doing a lot myself. Sorry you’re going through a rough patch, so I’m sending some warm fuzzies your way

    1. sayyestoeverything Post author

      Thanks, Michreta. This is a new one for me.

      I’m sorry for your loss. I do like your answer about finding reasons to smile. That is short and covers a lot of ground. You’re right; fine doesn’t exist.

      Thanks for the warm fuzzies. I’m sending you some as well.

  2. kellie@writingmoment

    Sorry to hear about your friend but definitely sounds like there is still love there so it will all work out for the best 🙂
    Love your honesty about the party invites! You had me smiling as I read that, so true and good for you to support instead of not showing up at all! Take care xox

  3. hipmonkey

    I always answer, “I’m good, how are you.?” Because getting into someone else’s problem helps me out of mine. I made the mistake one time to be honest and say, “Not so good.” And the guy didn’t know how to react. He didn’t really want to know how I was, it was another phrase for help. (Not a good one, but there it is). I expect my friends to tell me how they are if I ask, and vica versa…

    1. sayyestoeverything Post author

      I think you are right. I’ve started just telling my mother that I’m good and if she presses that I’m busy. I started after she told me last week that she needed to have a long conversation with me because I was causing her too much worry and she couldn’t take it any longer. I had to change my life because she wasn’t able to handle how anxious she was.

      Yeah…..I just shut my mouth and didn’t say anything about what goes on after that. Lesson learned. Good advice.

      1. hipmonkey

        You have a mom like that eh? I learned with my adult children that they have to live their own experience and that manipulating them by playing on their emotions or guilting them to live according to my standards is not the right thing to do. I wish you the best 😉

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