2014-05-23 Update

This morning’s interview went really well. I love the people and the position. It’s close to home. The hours are great. It may go longer than September into December and possibly January. I’m pretty sure I can do it even before the full moon. That works really great for me. It’s so funny to me that the company is in the building where I started my transition from teaching to the corporate world ten years ago. The bank I started working for at that time actually built the building that this company is in now.

After the interview I asked Stella about the timeframe.  She gave me a visual of a tree. She said that it’s not grass I’m growing. I have to think of a tree and they grow slowly.  I do love trees.

A few phone calls later and the agency tells me that they want me to start June 2nd with a raise already! Woo-hoo!  I completed my background check authorization and I have a drug test next week.

I’m really grateful because it’s exactly what I wanted. A lengthy position with income while I can work on my own endeavors slowly. I want to set some routines in place at home so everyone isn’t so dependent on me. I talked to the dragon yesterday and if I were sick for a week a lot of things would fall through the cracks at home. I am going to change this.

Last night I had a meeting with the dragon, Mike and Stella. I wanted to talk about where to start. I’m seeing that I have many building blocks to put in place in order to be successful and have the time I would like to devote to my own interests while still being a wife and mother.

I’m sitting with the fact that I am very impatient. If I was financially independent in the way I have envisioned and spending my time the way I imagine, I would not have the time to take care of my household the way I would like. That tree image is perfect.

Instead of beating myself up about it, I’m adopting the idea of thinking of myself as an acorn. Screaming at an acorn does not make it grow.

Stella has been showing me where I spend my time with my thoughts. It’s been wonderful because instead of feeling bad about it, she’s suggesting what I focus on instead. I’d been looking for external verification for what I was doing. Which can be great and yes, it does feel good. But it is ego-based and not from looking within at whether what I am doing makes me happy and useful for what I want to create. It is so easy to get into a routine and have it become second nature. I think I like it because it’s familiar. Looking into expanding my senses feels new and different, more like I felt a few months ago when I wanted to continually expand. Following suggestions from my guardian angel when I don’t know what will happen does the same for me. I am going to focus on the expansion instead of security. The net is always there and I wasn’t jumping as much.

When I asked for suggestions of where to start, Stella said that I need to begin slowly. Fifteen minutes a day. I talked to the dragon about it and we’re instituting some new routines to get things organized and which will make everyone responsible for taking care of the household. Not just me doing everything.

She also suggested that I schedule date nights with the dragon. He’s spent most of his time caring for me and listening to me going through these changes. He needs time and attention too.  (As she tells me that it’s okay because I feel bad even writing this. )

So, I’m not sad that these things happened but I am sad that I was not able to give the dragon what he needed because I was wrapped up in my experience. I’m hoping that I can learn to balance it better in the future and I’m willing to take direction. I am grateful for the help that I have now. I didn’t know how to change what I was doing and now I have a guide. That is a huge help!!!

For today, I’m going to focus on whatever I am doing to the best of my ability. I can’t control the future or make it come any faster. And I have wonderful people in my life who love me and whom I can help as well. The rest will come when it’s meant to come. My overthinking about it takes me away from where I am and all the beauty and love of now.

I love you.

Namaste.

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