I Have Expectations

I have expectations.

Even when I want to stay present (and my mind thinks I’ve been doing a pretty good job) I have rampant expectations.

I am sitting enjoy my first drink of the day of warm water and lemon. I’m still sleepy, enjoying the sounds of chirping birds and thinking of what I’d like to do today.

I reach for my mug and take a sip.

Yuck!

It’s cold water!

I sipped from someone else’s glass instead by mistake.

I chuckle at myself and notice that I had great expectations for that gulp. There was nothing wrong with the water but I had my heart set on my drink and it did not live up to what I wanted.

I think that would be great topic for a blog post. But I’m really attached to sitting outside and I don’t want to go inside and get my laptop to type. I don’t want to interrupt my journaling.

I want to release attachment to a routine today and go inside to get my laptop. The dragon is using it to listen to music while he cooks his breakfast. I want to release the routine of only writing posts on the laptop. He is getting enjoyment out of it so I wonder if there is another way I can blog.

My phone. I can use the WordPress app.

I take my phone outside with me and open the reader. I start typing with my thumb.

But I’ve never done this! What if the formatting is all wrong? What if it looks like crap? I have barely scratched the surface of what WordPress does and I don’t know how to use all its features. There is no preview button! (That I know of yet.)

Screw it.

I get ideas all the time that I don’t follow through with because I think I don’t know how to do them. It will be what it will be. I’d rather do it and make a mess. It’s my mess to make.

I keep thumb-typing. Looking at my attachment to having something that attends to grammar rules and a format pleasing to the eye.

I trust the WordPress app and the Universe that it will be what it will be. I expect(!) the app to work the way I want it to work.

As I keep typing, I have the thought that expectations are useful. If all there is is NOW, expectations are useful at times. They provide a continuous experience from moment to moment when my mind wants a place to rest and relax. I am grateful for that too. I enjoy relaxing.

When I’m relaxing, it allows me a break from constantly shifting my attention away from my thinking to stay present. I’m okay with that. I don’t always want my perceptions to dictate my next action. Sometimes I just want to sit and drink a warm mug.

But I have still moved all the other glasses away from me. I am still attached to the experience of my morning mug. For today, I’m okay with that.

I love you.

Namaste.

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