I went to work yesterday and thought pretty hard about taking that video post down.
It would have been so easy.
I posted it late at night. No one had seen it. I had only told one friend that I was even making a video. Of course, there were subscribers by email who would be perplexed but wasn’t my vanity worth it?
I even tried to log onto Youtube from work. Just to see if it looked as bad as I remembered in my head.
But it wasn’t meant to be. I wasn’t able to access Youtube at work or log in to my own account on my phone to be able to take the video down.
So, it stays up.
Me babbling for 18 minutes. Wobbly arms and all.
And nobody cares about this except me. So why do I write about it?
Because it’s my blog. And I know I’m not the only insecure person in the world.
I also don’t think there is anything wrong with admitting that you are insecure. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being insecure. As long as you don’t act in a way that harms others or yourself to relieve it.
Is there a perfect person? I don’t know. I haven’t met one. I don’t even aspire to be one. I don’t want to be like everybody else and I don’t want copies of me. I like that we are all different. It keeps me wondering and constantly learning.
So, the feeling of being mortified eventually passed. I started talking TO my ego instead of AS my ego. I went on with my day.
Later in the day, I received some positive feedback about my video. It had helped someone. I felt good about that. Then I also received encouragement to keep sharing. This meant a lot to me. I had some people share stories with me about their own struggles and what they were going through. They thanked me for sharing mine.
It was nice to connect with people. As hard as the morning after was, I like connecting with people. And I like it as equals. I like sharing stories and experiences because we see ourselves in them. They make us feel not alone. And while it is true you are the only one who can do your work, sometimes I need support while I do mine.
So, today I’m excited about this approach.
Talk about the stuff that gives you shenpa.
Set aside fear and embarassment.
Make it okay to talk about.
Make it okay to be who you are. Right now.
We are beautiful. I love you.