I’m used to talking to Stella my guardian angel, other angels and masters and doing what feels good. I’m currently working with one guide right now and it’s work.
And a work in progress.
I’ll make a video shortly to explain a little more about what happened and why I tuned the others out. For now, that brings you up to date quickly. I call my guide “M” here. This is this morning’s conversation that made it onto paper after beginning in my head.
Sarah: You wanted me to write?
M: Yes, you hear me better that way. You are assigning tones to me that are not from me.
S: I am?
M: Yes, you feel me as mean in tone.
S: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. It’s hard when the conversation is all in my head.
M: You came up with the idea for “Cici” for those unkind thoughts and tones. Use that. It will help you sort out and recognize your own voice.
S: Ugh. “Cici” did not like that. She made some disgruntled noise.
M: You need to learn your true voice. And yes, the chocolate is fine for now.
S: I hadn’t even asked yet but thanks. So, what do you want me to do?
M: Keep focusing on shielding. Work on that root chakra. It will take some time. The focus is good for you.
S: All I want is to eat fish.
M: That’s fine. Honor it.
S: Will this make sense?
M: Not for awhile.
S: I’m kind of bratty. I don’t really want to do this.
M: This is where your confusion comes in. You do want this. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t keep coming back to it.
S: You’re right. Every time I give up, I come right back to the same place. We’ve been through this a lot.
M: Now I’ve told you that I’m not here for support. You need to strengthen the connections you have for that. Work with each of them individually so that you can hear them clearly. Writing like this at first will be helpful to you.
S: Can we have that discussion on free will now? I’ve got some new thoughts on it.
M: No. You need to work on this chakra issue.
S: Why do I have a feeling that these thoughts on free will are going to change as I start labeling this “Cici” voice?
M: Because you are correct. Those thoughts come from an amalgation of voices. You haven’t found your true voice. You confuse those self-defeating thoughts for reality and you give them too much air time.
S: Air time? That’s an interesting choice of words.
M: There are no mistakes. It fits.
S: Wow. Do you ever laugh?
S: How come I never hear you?
M: Do you think that would be helpful to you?
S: Well, not right now. No. It’s been suggested that I need to adopt the attitude of a sacred seeker for right now and honestly, palling around would not be helpful for that. I do need a teacher. Not that I actually like it that much. I really just wanted to play my way through life.
M: You can do that but as you found out, you may not have the life expectancy of others around you. You do not live in a bubble. Your actions affect others. You are beginning to become aware of this.
S: Yes, I thought that I could just play and have fun and take care of making me happy and everything else would just work out.
M: This works for some people. You are not one of those people. You go high fast because of who you are and others who try this may not have the same result.
S: You know, I was all excited and thinking this could be a blog post but now I don’t really want to put it up. I don’t want to tell people that they can’t do something that I think is a lot of fun. I think there are already too many limitations people put on themselves here.
M: True. People do limit themselves. What I am saying is not that others cannot have similar experiences or get pleasure out of them but your way is not the only way.
S: Ok. Yes, I agree. My way is not the only way. My issue here is that there are not many people sharing these things publicly and I don’t want them to think that they are alone.
M: Do you know why they don’t share these things?
M: Because they don’t want to.
S: Well….um….that’s kind of evident.
M: It is not evident and you know why. You do many things that you don’t want to do.
S: Yes and it’s becoming more frequent and necessary it seems every day. The longer I am here, the more I need to do things I don’t want to do.
M: This is where your issue comes in. We’ve touched briefly on this before and you have scribed much about this. Identity assignment. You attached to a false Self.
S: You know I don’t even like writing that, right? “False.” There are a lot of different ideas of truth. That’s why I don’t even touch that topic. Lord knows my truth is someone else’s padded cell.
M: You are going to need to address this issue with truth eventually.
S: Great. I’m going to get sarcastic soon but I want to be respectful so can we wrap it up? I don’t know how many truth bombs I can take today with this sore back. I’m not feeling physically well.
M: Today you focus on the root chakra. You need to be grounded to live here.
S: M, I’m grateful for the help but please don’t be offended if I’m not the most excited student. I’m kind of excited to learn more and kind of lazy because I don’t want to do all this work.
M: This is where you are confused about identity.
S: Ok. Well, I’m confused about a lot of things most of the time but I kind of designed it that way. It makes it easier to keep egoic impulses at bay.
M: It does do that, yes. But you do not need to be confused about who you are. This has been affecting your mood. It is also not how it is meant to be. What happens here is confusing. Who are you is not. Having a brain is useful here but it can get in your way too if you think all the time and believe what you see is real.
S: Yes, I know think too much. It’s hard not to do. As fascinating as our discussion is, I do think I need to get working on this root chakra. Between the messiness of the problem and my own learning to focus for that long, this is taking a while.
M: It will take several days of concentrated effort.
S: Thanks. I think.
M: Sometimes you don’t really want to know the answers to your questions.
S: Yeah, that’s why I don’t ask most of them. Ok, back to this chakra issue.
M: It will clear in time.
M: You’re the one doing the work.