The Essence of Relationship – Staying

[I’m contributing to my beautiful friend Linda’s Time Machine Blogging Challenge.  Hop on over to read other timey-wimey, wibbley-wobbley perspectives and participate.

This post is from the past, about a year after my awakening began.]holding hands2

It’s 2:33 a.m.

I can see my living room – the sofas, the bookshelves, the Xbox, the Wii, children’s books, the black floral area rug I picked out so the kids could have pizza for family movie club and I wouldn’t mind if someone dropped a piece.

That part is the same.

Overlaid on it, I see a knight kneeling before a king. On top of that, the sea crashing against a bluff leaving people behind instead of foam. And then another scene and another.

I feel rage and I don’t know why.

I want to smash things. I want to scream.

But I don’t because children are sleeping in the next room.

I want tears to come so I can release this. I don’t know what to do.

I grab some pillows and beat them mercilessly in the silence.

No one trained me for this.

I didn’t grow up seeing ghosts, knowing others’ secrets or watching fairies play in a garden.  This was not my life.

My hands are sweating.

My feet are shaking.

I wish I had someone to call. I’ve been to crystal healers, shamans, and medicine men. They don’t know what it is but Spirit shows them what to do each time to help me. I’d never heard someone tell me so lovingly and diplomatically that they thought I was mentally ill before. I said to ask Spirit. Spirit said I wasn’t, then showed her how to help but not a word on what was happening or why.

Radio silence.

I’m burning up and I don’t know why or what to do. I take off my clothes and drink more water.

T comes out to ask me if I’m coming back to bed. When he finds me naked and screaming into pillows, he asks what he can do.

Stay. Just stay.

I can feel the fear and judgment of others when I tell them what happens. They don’t understand it.

Neither do I.

But I know my heart.

And I love God.

God’s talking to me and I don’t know the language yet. I trust myself.

So I tell T what I tell him every time he asks how to help me.

I love you. Please stay with me. Ask your guides if there is anything you or I can do to help. Thank you.

I’ve learned how to stay with myself and it is what I value in a partner. Someone who doesn’t judge or psychoanalyze. Someone who can go to Spirit and find out what needs to be done when I have too much input to hear clearly.

I’m nobody’s piece of cake. But I am mine. And I need help sometimes from someone who can stay.

T gets a cool washcloth and walks me to the bathroom. Spirit gave him directions and he gathers materials while the tub fills.

He sings to me while I bathe.

He asks what I see, how I feel. He listens. He is not afraid. He loves me.

 

 

The overwhelming input subsides.

 

 

I dry off. T tucks me into bed and crawls in with me. The children are still sleeping, undisturbed and none the wiser.

I’m not an island. I can’t do this alone. But I have one person who can stay.

Thank you, God. That’s all I need.

We’ll build from there.

 

 

 

Tomorrow’s post for the Time Machine Blogging Challenge belongs to Jamie. Check her out here!

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31 thoughts on “The Essence of Relationship – Staying

  1. Pingback: Time Machine Blogging Challenge: But Wait, There’s More. | litebeing chronicles

  2. litebeing

    Hi Sarah,
    Thank you so much for sharing a twinkling piece of your Self, your Soul, with us here. A love like this is a love like no other. Blessings abound that you two have one another on this journey. I marvel at your resilience, innocence, and strength. We are so fortunate to have you among us.

    Love enduring,
    Linda

    Reply
    1. sayyestoeverything Post author

      Thank you for your kind words and for commenting, Linda. I am very fortunate and grateful for T. He has gotten me through some very difficult times when I had no one else who could help. I am very blessed and grateful to God.

      Much love,
      Sarah

      Reply
  3. Karin

    Thanks a lot for sharing. That is very touching.
    It is wonderful that you have learned to stay with yourself in such situations and that you have a partner who stays with you without jugdment.
    I guess that is very rare that someone has past life memories or whatever this is flashing up like like this. And there is not much support out there for people who get these flashes. For most people it is hard enough to deal with suppressed childhood trauma or other forgiveness issues from this life. But you have a much wider range of perception.
    You have an extraordinary journey.
    Thanks again for sharing here.
    Karin

    Reply
    1. sayyestoeverything Post author

      Hi Karin,
      Thank you so much for commenting. I appreciate it.
      I don’t know how common it is but I don’t find too many people talking about it which is why I was moved to share it, I guess. I learned a little bit more as the months went by but I don’t often know what it is while it’s happening.
      I know people’s plates are full with their own healing which is why I rarely share these. My intention is not to scare anyone but to let others know who have experiences they don’t understand that they are not alone. I truly believe that faith is key to walking through them intact.
      I am very blessed and thank you so much for saying hi. Much love!
      Sarah

      Reply
  4. Sue Dreamwalker

    Hello to you Sarah Such Love and devotion from your Partner T.. And I thank you for sharing your ‘Self’ with us, To feel and sense, see what you do, I am pleased Spirit guides you and yours, to help calm, soothe and restore your faith in YOU… Your soul memory is vivid and I am pleased you have such a protector to bring healing balm to your experiences..

    Sending Love and Light..
    Sue xxx

    Reply
    1. sayyestoeverything Post author

      Hi Sue,

      Thank you so much. I am very blessed. I later found out that they were not my lives but accessing different points on timelines. I’m still learning how to work with them and I imagine it will always be that way.
      You are absolutely right. I don’t know where I would be without Spirit and boots on the ground to help. I’m so glad we are all here together.

      Much love,
      Sarah

      Reply
      1. Sue Dreamwalker

        Like wise, I think we were all of us destined to meet.. for are we not upon the same journey 🙂 as we awaken others as we learn to stretch out more from our own awakening 🙂

  5. eyes Of Odysseus

    wow.
    amazing.
    the power is not given to many (for good reason) and not easy to embrace or understand (because of how much it consumes), but it sounds like your are doing so not only from a strength you’ve tapped into within yourself (you’re not crazy!!) but also with the fearless compassion that T’s support provides. intense prayer to divine spirit should help filter/channel the influx and allow you to manage the magic.

    hugs and blessings,
    o and om

    Reply
    1. sayyestoeverything Post author

      Hi O and Om!

      Yes, my lessons and learning stepped up a notch or twelve after that and they continue. I sort of have a habit of asking for more and wanting to know more. Then it shows up and I have to learn how to relate to it. Luckily, it’s not as abrupt lately but I’ve also been asking for growth with ease and grace now.
      You are on the money. Intense prayer feels right for just about anything. Thank you so much for the reminder. And it’s always lovely to see you here. 🙂

      Much love,
      Sarah

      Reply
  6. Walking My Path: Mindful Wanderings in Nature

    You are very strong to be able to stay in the depths those experiences. Clearly major healing is taking place from somewhere sometime, and the work you are doing will ripple out to those times. What I love is your trust in the process, trust in Spirit and the nonjudgemental, loving partnership with T. Very inspirational. Growth with ease and grace.
    Peace,
    Mary

    Reply
    1. sayyestoeverything Post author

      Thank you so much for your kind words and taking the time to comment. I really appreciate it. You hit in exactly how I feel and what I want – growth with ease and grace.

      And a strike of lightning as I read your comment. Synchronicity! ( And there is no storm here, just that flash.) Thank you and many blessings!

      Much love,
      Sarah

      Reply
  7. Michael

    You are both gifted and courageous, Sarah, and T is clearly a saint– undoubtedly among other wonderful things. This is what I mean about the perfection of how things unfold… It is undoubtedly difficult to carry such a connection in this world that has given up on such ways of knowing. You’re in good company if you were told you were going insane. One of my favorite stories of Walter Russell is when he had his 40-days and 40-nights of vision, and his wife walked his body around though he wasn’t quite in it, and they had the family doctor come in to see what was happening because they thought he needed to be committed. And the doctor or the lawyer– I can’t remember which– looked at his sketches and his notes and said, whatever this is, it’s brilliant. And he’s not insane. Best to let it run its course. Ha! Run its course…!!! I love that. I made that part up of course. I don’t know what the hell he said. But somehow he knew not to interfere… 🙂

    Oh, the glories we keep tucked away in our hearts…

    Peace
    Michael

    Reply
    1. sayyestoeverything Post author

      Hi Michael,

      Thank you so much. I am gifted in that I know everything I experience, enjoyable or otherwise, is a gift. I’ve never thought of myself as courageous but what I’ve learned from you about the importance of responding and level confusion has been a Godsend. It changed entirely the way I view life. I spent much of my life abandoning myself and hiding from a connection with God in destructive behaviors. So I thank God that I found your blog and your insights.
      T is many wonderful things. Of course, the first one he always reminds me is that he is a bacon eater so as long as I keep us well stocked, we are good. Lol!
      That first summer I finally embraced being out of my mind and insane and it opened up worlds in my heart and my perception. My heart goes out to Walter’s wife. It is not easy to live with someone going through some of this. I am fortunate to be so blessed.
      But let it run its course. I love that! That’s how I choose to remember your story.

      Much love,
      Sarah

      Reply
  8. megdekorne

    Dear beautiful one , Sarah …I can hear the singing …it is a divine melody like the waves in the blue sea … You are such a brave soul …thank you so much for your connection , your friend , sending love , megxxx

    Reply
  9. SOUL RELEASE - heart opening and activations™

    Naked, beautiful, immensely powerful. Speaking ones truth, as it is, without hiding or making excuses, is the most divine gift we can gift ourselves and share with the world. You are a Truth Sayer, a Fore Runner, a reminder that humanness will never leave us, we’ll simply grow our soul energy more and more deeply into it. Each day a little more. You are SO loved, precious one, and I’m so happy and grateful to know you. All my love to you, and never forget that I’m here if you ever have use for me.
    ❤ ❤ ❤

    Reply

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