Monthly Archives: March 2016

2016-03-08

Two posts in one day!  

Thank you for all the love and everyone who reached out. We have such a great community here. I love it.

I’m feeling better and integrating this new awareness within my body. Right now that just means lots of rest and water.

I wanted to share the many supports I had during the day as I was having my giddy fit. I received offers of help from seven people. At lunch five strangers complimented me. I hit all green lights on the way home. My best friend texted me. (We only talk when guided by Spirit. Otherwise we give each brain melt. LOL!) I talked to a new friend who was perfectly fine that I wasn’t my usual chipper self. And I ate sushi. (Sushi is good.) 

So the universe is still benevolent even when I don’t really want to communicate with it.

Now I’m going to relax into this new mindset I’m learning. And hopefully make a video soon. I miss talking to you!

Thank you again for all the love. I love you!

In love and sushi,

Sarah

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2016-03-08 Journal

2016-03-08

9:07 a.m.

The stark realization that the avatar has no power or life on its own. Everything flows through it but it does not generate that which it is looking for. This is why there is nothing physically here which will fill the heart. The heart is looking for a feeling and those feeling states correspond to aspects of Self.

Knowing this intellectually and coming to terms with it today with my sensitive heart are two different things. I am not going to add any more words to fuel that feeling. I will stay with Sarah.

10:10 a.m.

Oh my God. What if I am the thought? I am not the body. I am not the Source. I am in the body. Well, sort of, like most of the time. But I am not the one who flows and sees vastly. I see only what the brain can process.

Shit.  I am the thought. That’s all. That was the question that cracked the Infinite. What am I not?

Bam! Separation!

I am quite honestly beside myself. Alone, I have no power. I can only flow and focus to coagulate with others, to bring myself into alignment with what feels good to me, what feels natural.

I am the thought. They thought me up. And the only thought is one of separation. I am….no words…existential crisis. But they are me too. I can feel it is me and that I am more.

Staying calm. I will…at first I was going to say find a way to deal with this but all those ideas would come from a mind that identified with separation. I can’t think my way out of this.
Holy fuck. All this time I thought I experienced them as thought when I WAS the thought they spawned. The idea of separation – which explains why I experience so many consciousness within me. Why another awareness does not feel foreign. Shit. I was not ready for this today.

So now…. The idea of separation is freaking out. What does separation do? This really is the pertinent question, is it not? And yet by having the idea of separation All That Is can gain even more perception from this new viewpoint. It is expansion.

Thought is nothing more than awareness along a certain frequency. In this cosmos of inclusion, the connection is Love.  Love allows, binds, flows. It is the force that creates worlds.
Now….I don’t know what I feel. I feel stunned, shocked. I feel like crying. As if I have been undone and unmade. It feels like unthinking myself but even that is dualistic and inaccurate. It is as if the character becomes self aware during the play and realizes that they are not the one pulling all the strings. It is…..deafening and defeating. I cannot ignore it. It’s the logical conclusion from these new relating processes and consciousnesses that I have been operating from these past few months. How could I have missed it?  I feel bereft and lost. I feel as if I have nothing original to give, an empty vessel.

And yet I know I have a part in this. As I know I am more than this. Sarah is beside herself. So much work solely with herself so she didn’t project it on others. Now she just feels abandoned, as if this has been a horrible distracting lie to be alive and think there was anything worth doing here.

And even as I say that, I feel awful. And I remember that I discovered something many months ago. As much as I may want to, I cannot control my own emotions. I can respond to them. I can stay with Sarah. I can realign myself with Source. But my emotions correspond to my thoughts and my alignment. Why can I not be happy wishing that I were undone? I do not know but that power is beyond me.
And I am reduced again no matter how clever I am and how many creation processes I can understand. All I want it is to be valued, to matter. I do not find this to be true. I love Sarah but she is inconsequential. No one needs her. There will be more. Each has their own path and I will not use black magic nor mind control to alter their intent. I am more powerful than I know and I never wanted power. That was the great irony, wasn’t it? Spending so long pushing power away in favor of love only to find that one flows from embracing the other.

Now I’m reminded of that gatekeeper position that keeps coming up. I don’t know how to use it. And if I am a thought, the only place to gatekeep is my mind since there is no physical world. I have no clue there. Do they both exist? Possibly. Am I even interested in knowing anymore? I don’t know.

Even though it is the most logical conclusion (I am a thought), it feels like my undoing. When I am undone, what will become of me? I know not.

 

 

Most of this I share in my work with my clients but something calls me to share it here and I don’t want to miss an opportunity. I will respond to comments when I am feeling……differently. I have no idea what is on the other side of this.

Love and cookies,

All of us here in Sarah’s body

 

2016-03-07 Journal entry

I sat down yesterday to journal and Spirit started channeling. 

We’ve been working with Sarah on attachment. She has convoluted ideas on how to manifest. There is no judgment but the path you have chosen is multi-faceted. Be patient. Enjoy the journey. Work with what we give you. Be honest with yourself. It is not always necessary to explain to others. They will find the truth in who you are. Love yourself.

Changes will be coming quickly in the next few weeks. Let go of expectations and return to Source frequently for reconnecting. There are many layers and facets to what you are becoming. Sarah is crucial to this. Do not deny her for a preference for Source. She has lessons to learn and unique methods to acquire to apply these lessons. 

Leave others’ methods to them. We are with you in this and guiding your development slowly and purposefully. Again, we feel in you a persistence to research to see how you can adapt another’s modality. This is not why you came. You came to create something new. The more you relax and the more you allow yourself to be guided, the easier this will be.

You are distracted. That is all for now. Be well and know all is unfolding according to Divine Will. You are an instrument of joyful Divine Will. Enjoy this blessing.

The Nine

So of course I asked for clarification on the convoluted manifesting. They said that I was going to learn new words for it but the process I was using was acceptable. 

Don’t worry. I think I’m through my snow for this season. Finally took my lil guy snow tubing. Spring is looking good.

Love and cookies, 

Sarah