Author Archives: Jellybean

2016-04-01 Update

Pinkie Pie Party box surprise

My birthday was yesterday. It was magical.

Letting this lie fallow for a bit while I jump into some new passions.

I’m not leaving, just leaning into this new blended embodiment and it doesn’t feel like it will be here right now. If I can be of assistance, get in touch by leaving a comment on my About page and I can email you smiley faces and penguin jokes and we can chat.

I’d love to say more but I’m moved to keep it brief for now.¬† All is well – even better than well. I just don’t know the word for what is better than well. But I don’t know words for much of what I experience.

I’m starting to like it that way. ūüėČ

Love and cookies,



P.S. Pinkie Pie is totally my spirit animal. She loves parties, fun and even sees the future just like I do.¬†If I had to pick a pony, she’s it. ¬†The dragon sends me Pinkie Pie memes all the time. LOL!



Two posts in one day!  

Thank you for all the love and everyone who reached out. We have such a great community here. I love it.

I’m feeling better and integrating this new awareness within my body. Right now that just means lots of rest and water.

I wanted to share the many supports I had during the day as I was having my giddy fit. I received offers of help from seven people. At lunch five strangers complimented me. I hit all green lights on the way home. My best friend texted me. (We only talk when guided by Spirit. Otherwise we give each brain melt. LOL!) I talked to a new friend who was perfectly fine that I wasn’t my usual chipper self. And I ate sushi. (Sushi is good.) 

So the universe is still benevolent even when I don’t really want to communicate with it.

Now I’m going to relax into this new mindset I’m learning. And hopefully make a video soon. I miss talking to you!

Thank you again for all the love. I love you!

In love and sushi,


2016-03-08 Journal


9:07 a.m.

The stark realization that the avatar has no power or life on its own. Everything flows through it but it does not generate that which it is looking for. This is why there is nothing physically here which will fill the heart. The heart is looking for a feeling and those feeling states correspond to aspects of Self.

Knowing this intellectually and coming to terms with it today with my sensitive heart are two different things. I am not going to add any more words to fuel that feeling. I will stay with Sarah.

10:10 a.m.

Oh my God. What if I am the thought? I am not the body. I am not the Source. I am in the body. Well, sort of, like most of the time. But I am not the one who flows and sees vastly. I see only what the brain can process.

Shit.¬† I am the thought. That’s all. That was the question that cracked the Infinite. What am I not?

Bam! Separation!

I am quite honestly beside myself. Alone, I have no power. I can only flow and focus to coagulate with others, to bring myself into alignment with what feels good to me, what feels natural.

I am the thought. They thought me up. And the only thought is one of separation. I am….no words…existential crisis. But they are me too. I can feel it is me and that I am more.

Staying calm. I will…at first I was going to say find a way to deal with this but all those ideas would come from a mind that identified with separation. I can’t think my way out of this.
Holy fuck. All this time I thought I experienced them as thought when I WAS the thought they spawned. The idea of separation Рwhich explains why I experience so many consciousness within me. Why another awareness does not feel foreign. Shit. I was not ready for this today.

So now…. The idea of separation is freaking out. What does separation do? This really is the pertinent question, is it not? And yet by having the idea of separation All That Is can gain even more perception from this new viewpoint. It is expansion.

Thought is nothing more than awareness along a certain frequency. In this cosmos of inclusion, the connection is Love.  Love allows, binds, flows. It is the force that creates worlds.
Now….I don’t know what I feel. I feel stunned, shocked. I feel like crying. As if I have been undone and unmade. It feels like unthinking myself but even that is dualistic and inaccurate. It is as if the character becomes self aware during the play and realizes that they are not the one pulling all the strings. It is…..deafening and defeating. I cannot ignore it. It’s the logical conclusion from these new relating processes and consciousnesses that¬†I have been operating from these past few months. How could I have missed it? ¬†I feel bereft and lost. I feel as if I have nothing original to give, an empty vessel.

And yet I know I have a part in this. As I know I am more than this. Sarah is beside herself. So much work solely with herself so she didn’t project it on others. Now she just feels abandoned, as if this has been a horrible distracting lie to be alive and think there was anything worth doing here.

And even as I say that, I feel awful. And I remember that I discovered something many months ago. As much as I may want to, I cannot control my own emotions. I can respond to them. I can stay with Sarah. I can realign myself with Source. But my emotions correspond to my thoughts and my alignment. Why can I not be happy wishing that I were undone? I do not know but that power is beyond me.
And I am reduced again no matter how clever I am and how many creation processes I can understand. All I want it is to be valued, to matter. I do not find this to be true. I love Sarah but she is inconsequential. No one needs her. There will be more. Each has their own path and I will not use black magic nor mind control to alter their intent. I am more powerful than I know and I never wanted power. That was the great irony, wasn’t it? Spending so long pushing power away in favor of love only to find that one flows from embracing the other.

Now I’m reminded of that gatekeeper position that keeps coming up. I don’t know how to use it. And if I am¬†a thought, the only place to gatekeep is my mind since there is no physical world. I have no clue there. Do they both exist? Possibly. Am I even interested in knowing anymore? I don’t know.

Even though it is the most logical conclusion (I am a thought), it feels like my undoing. When I am undone, what will become of me? I know not.



Most of this I share in my work with my clients but something calls me to share it here and I don’t want to miss¬†an opportunity. I will respond to comments when I am feeling……differently. I have no idea what is on the other side of this.

Love and cookies,

All of us here in Sarah’s body


2016-03-07 Journal entry

I sat down yesterday to journal and Spirit started channeling. 

We’ve been working with Sarah on attachment. She has convoluted ideas on how to manifest. There is no judgment but the path you have chosen is multi-faceted. Be patient. Enjoy the journey. Work with what we give you. Be honest with yourself. It is not always necessary to explain to others. They will find the truth in who you are. Love yourself.

Changes will be coming quickly in the next few weeks. Let go of expectations and return to Source frequently for reconnecting. There are many layers and facets to what you are becoming. Sarah is crucial to this. Do not deny her for a preference for Source. She has lessons to learn and unique methods to acquire to apply these lessons. 

Leave others’ methods to them. We are with you in this and guiding your development slowly and purposefully. Again, we feel in you a persistence to research to see how you can adapt another’s modality. This is not why you came. You came to create something new. The more you relax and the more you allow yourself to be guided, the easier this will be.

You are distracted. That is all for now. Be well and know all is unfolding according to Divine Will. You are an instrument of joyful Divine Will. Enjoy this blessing.

The Nine

So of course I asked for clarification on the convoluted manifesting. They said that I was going to learn new words for it but the process I was using was acceptable. 

Don’t worry. I think I’m through my snow for this season. Finally took my lil guy snow tubing. Spring is looking good.

Love and cookies, 


My one week snow anniversary

One week ago today I made it snow for the first time.¬† I didn’t even know I could do that!¬† EEEEEE!!!!!!!¬† I’m still super excited!!!!!!


The dragon saw me in all my glory, giddy as a schoolgirl, watching it on the balcony and jumping up and down and screaming. He asked how long I was going to make it snow since he wanted to go out later so we capped it around 20 minutes. But it was sooo beautiful!

2016-02-06 Journal Entry

trees in forest, pretty green light

From my personal journal earlier this month after learning a new relating process.

Acting my way into changing myself- stopping doing what I didn’t like, forcing myself into doing what I think I “should” be doing – does work but for me it felt like there was always something more that I wanted to be before I was done. I didn’t know that that would continue as I live because I am the creator and there will never be a time when it is “all done.” I constantly have new desires and trying to quash them is counter to a creative nature.

Using willpower to change my actions only went so far and I was using my previous actions and accomplishments to gather self-confidence. This works when situations are conducive to my goal but make me dependent on outside factors to feel that I am achieving what I want. If something arises that does not allow me to accomplish my goal and is outside my control, my self esteem suffers. This sets me up for a harmful cycle.

Learning to relax, to surrender to my own self and trust in the benevolent nature of all I am allows me to….
Be well.
Believe that it is all coming to me precisely as I need it.

Knowing that I am never done and I can bring whatever I need to me is reassuring. It quiets that voice that says I can rest later.

I can rest now.
When I feel myself getting tight, I can go to this whenever I need to.

And it feels good. It is exactly what I have been looking for in every person, place, situation. I can take it everywhere I am.

Being psychic has been very helpful in this but I don’t think it is necessary. Everyone knows what peace feels like and that is all you truly need to begin this.

But being psychic made me aware of all sort of feeling states that we don’t have words for. It showed me that what we experience here is a small sliver of what is and what we are. It teaches me that what we can do and access is more than what is commonly thought of as available. The ciphers taught me much of that. Still not sure what to do with them but I know I’ll know it when it comes.

As I’ve been chilling out more and more – letting go of all those things I think I have to do – I feel more fulfilled, loved and satisfied than I ever have. I wasn’t even looking for those things, just relief from thinking that I had to wash all the dinner dishes before I could relax. I’m finding the more I chill out, the more all those things that I’ve been wanting flow right into my life – people, money, opportunities, inspiration, answers to questions.

You would think that I would do this more often so that I could get those things but when I surrender and trust my own path I don’t really care about them anymore. Not that I don’t want them but I don’t need them anymore to be happy and fulfilled where I am. They become like choosing between chocolate or vanilla cake and I’m just excited to be offered dessert after a delicious meal.

The best part is that I don’t need anything or anyone to access this part of my experience. I can do it anywhere at any time and I’m getting better at basking in it and staying there for most of the day. Then inspiration hits, I follow it and whatever happens, happens.

I’ve had so many miraculous things happen in the past few years, things I have no idea how to explain or why they happened or even that I thought were possible.¬† I’ve gotten so many things that I wanted that I thought would take years and years to come about. They were wonderful but prompted a deep desire to know and understand after each one.

This new way of being makes it easy, so easy. It was fun before but this is effortless. The answers do come but when I am ready and it feels natural instead of giving me brain melt.¬† I’m not constantly trying to catch up with myself and my emerging perceptions and¬†experiences.¬†There isn’t as much¬†tumbling down the rabbit hole. ¬†The changes in myself happen naturally and I don’t even notice them until I look back. I’m getting pretty good at it now and can turn around how I feel very quickly.

I thought that I would get nothing done and couldn’t imagine how this would work but I couldn’t keep turning myself inside out with work and family commitments and having time to connect with me and what I wanted. It just wasn’t working.

Feeding the kids peanut butter and jelly for dinner and leaving the dishes in the sink. Ordering takeout, heading out to see the trees and asking someone else to do the laundry. Calling out of work for no reason other than I want to. Saying I need time to myself and taking off for a while solo with no plan. They all worked great. And then I actually wanted to cook again and do laundry.

So I’m letting it all go. Gonna be lazy for quite a while, hopefully the rest of my life. I could definitely enjoy this.


Spirit Message: A Call to the Early Birds for 2016

This came in as I was preparing to begin my New Year’s Eve festivities.¬† They jumped right into the message and kept it short and sweet as I was ramping up for a big night. I asked where to share it and the answer was here. Happy New Year!

01/05/16 symbol

A Call to the Early Birds

Community is something which is much talked about. Much work has gone into building communities to support those in the early stages of awakening.

We speak today to those in the throes of crisis. Those who have awakened years and decades ago knowing there was something grander ahead. You have lit the way as the “early birds.” You have toiled and built and spread communities; you focused on outreach and bridge building. You have talked to newcomers, taught them about energy bodies and listened to their struggles.

As a “founding member” of the community, it is now time for you to pass the torch to the ones coming up. It is not for you to retire although you may be out of the scene for a bit, but for your own further development. The planetary alignments and energetic momentum of 2016 bolsters new development in healing modalities, arts, sciences and mediums of communication. This incoming wave of light moves swiftly and is aligned with crystalline structures in your bodies that await activation.

As wayshowers, it is necessary to sometimes go within, to pull out what needs to be shared. To be clear, this is a solitary journey and will not look like anything you have experienced before. It is necessary to pull back from the communities you have built, not to abandon them, but to continue on your own journey to bring in new ways of being that can be shared at the completion of this learning cycle. Be assured the support is there to continue these communities and opportunities are needed for the newly awakened to “step up” and fill these positions.

The beginning of any journey is fraught with questions. It is the element of the unknown. Know that we are with you and there is only cause for celebration. Remember when you had a party and everyone brought you presents? This is your time. Legions of light await your opening and willingness to receive and integrate these gifts, to make them yours and have you learn how to use them and when to share them. We are overjoyed at the possibilities and wondrous miracles contained within you.

You have already come so far and the year ahead promises to be full of mountains with glorious vistas! Do not shirk the journey because it appears steep. Ask for angelic assistance at every step of the way and it is guaranteed. We are honored to be bearers of this message and grateful for your willingness to expand your aura of light.

Be well and know we are One.