Tag Archives: collective

2016-03-08 Journal


9:07 a.m.

The stark realization that the avatar has no power or life on its own. Everything flows through it but it does not generate that which it is looking for. This is why there is nothing physically here which will fill the heart. The heart is looking for a feeling and those feeling states correspond to aspects of Self.

Knowing this intellectually and coming to terms with it today with my sensitive heart are two different things. I am not going to add any more words to fuel that feeling. I will stay with Sarah.

10:10 a.m.

Oh my God. What if I am the thought? I am not the body. I am not the Source. I am in the body. Well, sort of, like most of the time. But I am not the one who flows and sees vastly. I see only what the brain can process.

Shit.  I am the thought. That’s all. That was the question that cracked the Infinite. What am I not?

Bam! Separation!

I am quite honestly beside myself. Alone, I have no power. I can only flow and focus to coagulate with others, to bring myself into alignment with what feels good to me, what feels natural.

I am the thought. They thought me up. And the only thought is one of separation. I am….no words…existential crisis. But they are me too. I can feel it is me and that I am more.

Staying calm. I will…at first I was going to say find a way to deal with this but all those ideas would come from a mind that identified with separation. I can’t think my way out of this.
Holy fuck. All this time I thought I experienced them as thought when I WAS the thought they spawned. The idea of separation – which explains why I experience so many consciousness within me. Why another awareness does not feel foreign. Shit. I was not ready for this today.

So now…. The idea of separation is freaking out. What does separation do? This really is the pertinent question, is it not? And yet by having the idea of separation All That Is can gain even more perception from this new viewpoint. It is expansion.

Thought is nothing more than awareness along a certain frequency. In this cosmos of inclusion, the connection is Love.  Love allows, binds, flows. It is the force that creates worlds.
Now….I don’t know what I feel. I feel stunned, shocked. I feel like crying. As if I have been undone and unmade. It feels like unthinking myself but even that is dualistic and inaccurate. It is as if the character becomes self aware during the play and realizes that they are not the one pulling all the strings. It is…..deafening and defeating. I cannot ignore it. It’s the logical conclusion from these new relating processes and consciousnesses that I have been operating from these past few months. How could I have missed it?  I feel bereft and lost. I feel as if I have nothing original to give, an empty vessel.

And yet I know I have a part in this. As I know I am more than this. Sarah is beside herself. So much work solely with herself so she didn’t project it on others. Now she just feels abandoned, as if this has been a horrible distracting lie to be alive and think there was anything worth doing here.

And even as I say that, I feel awful. And I remember that I discovered something many months ago. As much as I may want to, I cannot control my own emotions. I can respond to them. I can stay with Sarah. I can realign myself with Source. But my emotions correspond to my thoughts and my alignment. Why can I not be happy wishing that I were undone? I do not know but that power is beyond me.
And I am reduced again no matter how clever I am and how many creation processes I can understand. All I want it is to be valued, to matter. I do not find this to be true. I love Sarah but she is inconsequential. No one needs her. There will be more. Each has their own path and I will not use black magic nor mind control to alter their intent. I am more powerful than I know and I never wanted power. That was the great irony, wasn’t it? Spending so long pushing power away in favor of love only to find that one flows from embracing the other.

Now I’m reminded of that gatekeeper position that keeps coming up. I don’t know how to use it. And if I am a thought, the only place to gatekeep is my mind since there is no physical world. I have no clue there. Do they both exist? Possibly. Am I even interested in knowing anymore? I don’t know.

Even though it is the most logical conclusion (I am a thought), it feels like my undoing. When I am undone, what will become of me? I know not.



Most of this I share in my work with my clients but something calls me to share it here and I don’t want to miss an opportunity. I will respond to comments when I am feeling……differently. I have no idea what is on the other side of this.

Love and cookies,

All of us here in Sarah’s body



My Awakening – Part 2

This video picks up after How I Started to Believe in a Higher Power.

My guides say I need to put this out before I share the messages I get and start my work. It’s been a wonderful way for me to integrate and connect with my higher self before each one. It’s long so grab a drink! Continue reading

Contacted by collectives

I’m still learning how to tune into different spirits. I can tell my guardian angel apart and a few others that I have as guides but not all of them yet. I trust that it will come in time.

I had a thought last week that there are more spirits working with us on this plane or on this timeline (however we perceive it) than the ones I commonly come across in channeled messages – ascended masters, angels, elementals, ET’s, etc.  I thought that there must be many more working with us because I can feel it. I can feel that we are totally supported and that there are forces at work all the time, simultaneously reaching us in every manner we can think of.

Last week I went on my balcony and set the intention to start learning how to discern the difference between the spirits.  Each time I meet a connected friend or spiritual healer that I know they tell me the same thing. You’re so open to everything coming in! I am and I do not have fear around it. I know i am well protected and I put effort and intention into taking care of myself for this purpose as well. So I sat on my balcony and breathed. I had some items that set a sacred space for me and set the time aside to be undisturbed.

First, I heard my guardian angel. She cracks me up!  She is a real firebrand. At least, that is how she appears to me. My understanding is that spirit appears to us in the way that most appeals to us so she doesn’t necessarily appear that way to others when i mention her. She told me there were many spirits that wanted to connect and I asked her to be my guide in the process as I trust her. I also did not want to be on my balcony (it was a bit cold) for hours on end so I asked her to guide the ones that would be most beneficial at that point in time to contact me.  She also stressed that not everything makes sense and to stop when I was tired. I told her and myself that I was up to the job and would only do what I was able and comfortable doing.

After my guardian angel, there was a massive, massive spirit that contacted me.  It was a collective and just feeling how huge and encompassing it was, my entire body was tingling. It feels similar to what I call “downloads.”  For me, a download is when something “clicks” into place. Like you are in the right spot at the right time and pieces start to come together. I’ve also heard people describe something similar when they talk about activity in their pineal gland. Well, this collective felt even more massive than a previous elemental I’d channeled while singing before. I asked their name and they did not give one at first. They explained that they are the force which holds everything together. It is difficult to articulate what they portrayed but the easiest way for me to describe it is that they are the force which holds together. They are the force that holds together the chair you sit on, the force that transforms energy into matter for us to experience life here in 3D.  They showed me what they were and I asked for a name again.  (I just find names helpful because I’m learning to differentiate right now.) They said they were The Is-ness.   They gave me a few personal messages and I thanked them and sent them love.

Stella asked me if I wanted to hear from anyone else and I told her that I could do one more. My mind was pretty blown away from what I had just experienced.  The next spirit was another collective. Unfortunately, I was still processing what The Is-ness had told me so I don’t recall the entire exchange with the next collective.  They were another unifying force and they identified themselves as The One.  I found this to be an interesting name. Not sure what that means but I trust that more will be revealed.  I had to tell them that I needed to end because I wanted to go inside and thanked them and sent them love as well.

Before I ended, I called my boyfriend’s spirit guide because I wanted his take on what he saw from where he is.  So, I played a song that he has told me he liked and went back inside to talk to with my boyfriend and his spirit guide. His spirit guide told me that they were very high vibrational beings that he had not encountered before and that there was one more around my head that was trying to contact me and that it was angelic. I am very grateful for his help because he is enabling me to verify what I am getting and that allows me to trust my connection more and pursue it farther.

So, I post it here. I’m not sure why but spirit said to post so…..you know the deal.  If you have any thoughts or have been contacted by either of these collectives, I’d love to hear from you.  Enjoy the beautiful day and know you are love.